Friday, July 24, 2009

Doomsday Everyday!!

Vehicles have been honking all around the flustered traffic policeman for a long time. His whistle lies against his paunch - defeated. There is confusion and desperation to reach offices/schools/colleges written across every face.

I decide to get down from the auto rickshaw half way to the office and walk the rest rather than sit through the traffic jam. I tell the auto rickshaw driver to stop way ahead my corner so that he can go back. As I hand over half my fare and start to walk, the driver stops me by blocking the way.

He is an old man. His dirty grey hair covers his sweaty collar. His eyes are red. He is sweating profusely and demands more money. I say no way. He starts shouting at the top of his voice in Tamil and hands me the money back. I understand only bits and pieces of what he says. He wants more money and has started talking in an utmost uncouth way.

I try looking for police. Well let’s say he has his own problems in the jam. I tell the driver this is all I’m giving. He says he doesn’t want it. I know the trick here.

Long stay in Chennai and frequent conflicts with these drivers has taught me their strategies. As soon as they know you are going to an IT office, they double the fair. As nobody bothers about meters, you have no option but to haggle back by cutting down the fare to half or to a reasonable amount. Once settled did you think you can take in the ride peacefully? You couldn’t be more wrong. There is always a chance that the driver bears the traits of a born criminal and many a time a specimen of this hateful species has demanded more money as they near destination, threatening to drop you right there. Usually happens if you are a girl traveling alone at night.
Now there is another set who on reaching the destination start quarrelling saying they drove more than what you said and hence need more money even if you had made it very clear where you need to go before starting. They usually start shouting near your office/apartment or just anywhere in public to embarrass and intimidate you into paying them. They usually resort to following you shouting god knows what in Tamil and one time the driver even tried putting money back in my bag. I shouted and said I’m going to get police and then he drove away grumbling.

Police doesn’t mean anything to them. I don’t know if they are bribed. But I have never witnessed or got a policeman to help with these issues. Drivers also seem nonchalant at the mention of police. There have also been reports in paper when the driver beat up a girl and her friend when they didn’t pay him what he demanded. And the public watched.

Coming back to my encounter this morning, the trick here is embarrassing me by shouting at me and attracting attention and humiliating me. I have been through this and paid most of the times just to run away from the scenario. Not this time. I take the money back and walk towards my office. Driver has got into frenzy now. He is spitting on the road and quivering with anger. I can feel all eyes on me. I guess its fun for some while for others it must be deja vu.

Driver blocks my way. I look at him angrily and threateningly. Its poor defense but it sure works. I am losing my cool. I catch something like "moonjaye paaru"(Look at her mug!!) in his lewd Tamil gibberish. I laugh thinking "Well its loads better than his!!" and that gets me back in control. He now wants the money back. I WIN!

But its not happiness one feels trapped at the end of such a situation. It’s very humiliating and emotionally draining to be subjected to mean and cheap auto rickshaw driver strategies. Only God can save Chennai from these deviled creatures. Or may be the Police?

Monday, July 20, 2009

have you had these moments..

- when u r little, mum tells u to watch ur step on the road and u intently do that and bang ur poor lil head on electric post?
- ur uptight classmate from school who regarded u nothing less than a gypsy turned into one herself?
- people standing for ice cream in the queue in front of u always seem to order yummier flavors than what you have in mind?
- animals always stare at your face for reactions?
- u try out a shirt and suddenly feel good on an otherwise moppy day?
- when ur friends get married u have a tough time keeping those tears of happiness at bay?
- u suddenly remember what happened between 2 characters of a book and just cant remember anything else about it?
- mondays are usually lengthier than any other day in the week and sunday the shortest?
- those popular girls in college with reputations of being really bitchy turned out to be quite ok?
- u urself end up being bitchy and u love it!!?
- the best looking girl/guy in the room is always taken?
- u have been having a terrible week/month and you suddenly have a happy moment/hope only to plunge back into darkness?
- bad hairstyles look better as hair grows?
- sometimes u just dont care what pepl say about u and sometimes u desperately want to be understood?
- recipe always changes taste each time its tried?
- ur nemesis of a sister in school days incarnates into ur best friend in adult life?
- u laugh out thinking of some old joke and when u repeat the same to ur surprised friends, it doesnt sound funny at all
- u know u cant be happy knowing only the good side of a person and u keep looking out for some fault?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Whats up with these peepers??

I mean those who:

peep into your plate while u r eating at a restaurant
peep to check what you are reading as if the book's cover doesn't reveal it all
peep sneakily out of doors in the neighborhood when you go late to your flat after work
peep and listen to you talk busily to your ex/parents/colleagues at work over the phone
peep through windows into your flat
peep and stare and scare you in the bus
peep into your grocery bag when you are not looking
peeps down your dress!!
peeps at your com and stare at whatever is visible and ask stupid questions

but i do enjoy these peepers who:

peeps to check which flavor of ice cream you got and smiles if it matches theirs
peeps when you are petting their dog and checks the dog from making a pest of itself
peeps when you return home late and smiles understandingly
peeps and pops into your flat when they don't see you for a long time and asks if you are ok
peeps at your com and don't comment
peeps inside any abundant well and exclaim Dry! ignoring the sign which says exactly that.
peeps into those lil holes in trees just for the heck of it
peeps into friend's bags looking for something to eat
peeps into the kitty's box to check if its not too lonely

i guess i can just go on on peeping forever..

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Pangs of a vegetarian


this is wot ur first question is going to be : pangs?? then y the hell are u a veggie??

to which i reply with my nose up in the air : coz i choose to, u idiot!

to which u snort: then y complain

and i? : WOA! its my right to!

then u relent a lil and ask: so wots new in the list?

and me happy to find a shoulder to cry on: its this article in the newspaper!! they have put an article with all top chefs of the city!!and the dishes they dish out look so incredibly scrumptiously yumm! just that they are all non-veg :(

and u with that i-think-i-got-smbdy-crumbling-down snicker : tel me again y u turned a veggie, will ya?

and me with that i-know-wer-u-r-going sulk: coz i dnt want to kill animals and survive when i can very well survive on plants

u since u just cant keep away from stupid clichéd questions: and u dnt think plants have life?!!

here i take a break, look upwards/roll eyes/take a deep breath, say a lil prayer to restrain myself from making mincemeat outta u and say in my best priestly voice (really, how many of u do u think i can tolerate??) : i do, but i cant necessarily starve to death. so i prefer killing plants to animals.

now u sense that i have suddenly turned cold. so u make up for it by saying: hmm..its not everybdy who can do that u know..

me sensing the shoulder to cry on very near: u tell me!! its so hard!! Especially the guilt which eats u wen u r eating one of those lip-smacking, soft, creamy pastries!!

u startle me from my drooling thoughts by : u eat pastries!!! dnt u know they contain eggs???

i say "JERK!!" in my mind and turn to glaze at the distance : i know, thats y its hard..

and before u can tell me i am a hypocrite, i turn away and walk towards the pastry shop to uplift my soggy mood.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Short Story

tweet tweet.. meooow.. dum! pdum!... gulp! meooooww.. zzzzz...